Behind-the-Scenes Blog

What really matters

If you know anything about introverts, you know they like to be on their own. 

If you know anything about independent women, you know they like to do things themselves. 

If you know anything about people who live on their own, you know they prefer quiet to socializing. 

If you know me at all, you know I’m all of the above. 

Which may work well when life is going along smoothly. But a cancer diagnosis—let alone the third one—upends the myth of living solo. 

Which is where I find myself today. A two-time breast cancer survivor now facing a third round. 

In this week’s Narrative Lectionary reading Paul writes these powerful words to the people at Philippi:

I hold you in my heart, for all of you are my partners in God’s grace … this is my prayer, that your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight; to help you to determine what really matters.
—Philippians 1:7b, 9-10a

This week, with this new diagnosis, I am learning all over again about partners. And about what really matters. 

I realize that Paul is talking about partnerships in the community of the church, but I don’t know how to talk about partnerships except in terms of how I am experiencing them in these days of tests, diagnoses, and treatments. So I ask my mind to stop the perpetual cycling of “what ifs” and to focus on the partnerships in my life right now, this month, this week, this day:  

• Medical partnerships: angels unawares
• Family and friend partnerships: caring gifts
• God partnerships: “aha” moments

Medical partnerships: angels unawares

With a third cancer diagnosis, medical partnerships are at the top of my mind. I hope you can relate to some of what I’m saying, either for yourself or for someone you love who is dealing with health issues.  

If you’ve spent any time in the medical arena getting treated for a complicated or a chronic disease, you know how many people can get involved. Some might seem brusque but are most likely trying to do their job as efficiently as possible. Others are more generous with their time, conveying information, telling you what’s happening, and allowing time for questions. And then there are the “angels unawares” who offer kindness and caring in small ways. When these show up, you feel it. And you know how valuable it is.  

A few weeks ago, for example, I had a mammogram technician who laughed with me about the indignities of getting smushed, and she offered prayers for my well-being.

Then there were the ultrasound technicians who had the patience of saints, encouraging me through the process and, later, holding my hand while the lidocaine was being injected into my breast.

And the physician doing the biopsy spoke gently and encouragingly about what she was doing.

The next day, a nurse from the breast health center called to see how I was feeling.

Once the biopsy results came back, the breast surgeon’s PA sent me an immediate note, letting me know they’d schedule me to see the surgeon right away. And adding, “Hang in there.”

These may seem minor. But, for me, in this period of the many unknowns associated with a new cancer diagnosis, they felt like lifelines. People were reaching out to me, and I could hold on to what they were offering. I felt they were with me, that I had partners on this journey.

Then, today, my medical partnerships quadrupled. After meeting with the breast surgeon, I now need to schedule appointments with a medical oncologist, a radiation oncologist, and two cardiologists. (Am I fortunate to have most of these specialists already in my contacts list???) Today, I pose this question to my overloaded brain: Can I see each of these people as opportunities for connection, for new partnerships?

I once read an article by a surgeon named Stephen Archer, where he wrote that we get sick alone, but we get better when we are connected. He went even further to say, “I define spirituality as the process of being connected.”

The process of being connected.

While this illness may force a degree of connection on me that I didn’t necessarily want or expect, the gift is there: God is with me on this medical journey. And the opportunities for partnership have just increased exponentially!

People partnerships: caring gifts

As a person who lives solo—in fact, often prefers to be alone—I sometimes forget how vital connections with other people are. As my therapist often reminds me, we are created for relationship, for connection.

Since I now face the challenges of navigating treatment, it’s important to start thinking of who can help. Frankly, I’m a little surprised at the list of friends and family I’m coming up with. Not that I have a long list, but I definitely have a “curated” list of people who care about me deeply and will do whatever they can to help.

My four siblings, from different parts of the country, are with me in so many ways! Calls and texts and prayers and offers keep coming. One even put out a standing offer to drive down from Michigan at the drop of a hat, if I needed a ride to and from Chicago for treatment. I know in my core my sibs love me and are with me. And, as I mentioned in a previous blog post, “A Crossroads Moment,” I am enormously grateful for my two sisters who are also breast-cancer survivors. They have walked this path before and will be with me in ways words can’t express.

Then I start to think about friends. In many ways, my circle of friends has shrunk since I’ve retired. But in wonderful ways, it has expanded. In recent months, I have reconnected with friends whom I knew well at some point in the past but with whom I’ve lost touch. The benefit of a little extra time to reach out has brought some amazing people back into my life. I thank God for these beautiful women who have been a part of my growth before and are resurfacing at a time when their caring presence is immensely encouraging.

Sometimes people show up in our lives just when we need them. I think of a woman in my neighborhood who, last year, was out walking her dog on a day when I was headed out to what I thought would be a routine doctor’s appointment. We chatted a bit in my driveway, and her parting words to me were, “Let me know if you need anything.” Little did she—or I—know that I was about to enter a months-long medical scare that included multiple hospitalizations and stints in rehab. She turned from being a neighbor I hardly knew into a saint who took care of my cat, brought in my mail, offered rides, and shared homemade food. This lovely woman, whom I now count as a friend, is still there, with the same offer: “Let me know what you need!”

Then, there are the people I don’t know. That may sound like an odd thing to say, but when I wrote in “A Crossroads Moment” that I was facing a biopsy for possible cancer, a person I’d never met read it and sent me this note: “[I have] the same questions and struggles with what is known and unknown. I am finding connections with people I can share this news. Your post felt like an invitation from a kindred spirit on a journey.”

In spite of the questions and decisions ahead, these caring partnerships fill me with the hope and promise of these words Paul wrote to the people in Ephesus:

From [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love.
—Ephesians 4:16a (NIV)

God partnerships: “aha” moments

“It’s all in the timing.”

I think each of us can look back on experiences when the timing was just right, when things came together in helpful or surprising or beautiful ways. I’ve come to recognize these as “God moments.”

A phrase Ted Loder used so often in his sermons and prayers comes to mind: “God is sneaky.” Ted often talked about how God is not obvious, but shows up in quiet, subtle gestures:

I don’t know how God answers our prayers. I only know strange things happen and God is sneaky. So I try to be watchful.
—Ted Loder, Loaves, Fishes, and Leftovers

So I am trying to be watchful, especially now. I keep being surprised (but probably shouldn’t be) at the God moments I notice. Each time, I have a sense God is saying “I am with you,” I’m your partner in this.

Sometimes I see it in just the simple timing of things. This week, for example, once I got the biopsy report on Monday, I was able to get an unheard-of-quick appointment with the breast surgeon on Wednesday. A prescription shipment I needed to sign for was arriving on Thursday morning, and I was able to move my therapy appointment to Thursday afternoon. Then I got a message that a kitchen appliance I had ordered weeks ago was going to be installed on Friday. I couldn’t have lined up things more perfectly if I’d tried. Should I take these as lucky accidents of timing? Or do they point to God moments in the ordinary?

Sometimes God moments pop up in unexpected ways. This week the Narrative Alive graphic I had created months ago for this week’s Narrative Lectionary reading highlights partnership. And since my blog post is inspired by each week’s text and graphics, how synchronistic is it that the theme of partnership would show up now!

Then, today, as I drove into Chicago to meet with the breast surgeon, I happened to see a billboard along the expressway that was advertising vacations in Orlando. Giant words read, “Moments Together Matter More.” How could I not smile and take this as a God wink, announcing that my relationships with the people I would be meeting on the medical journey ahead mattered!

And one more wink: I just read that the focus for Mental Health Awareness Month this May is “More Good Days, Together.”

God is sneaky, indeed.

As you read this, I hope a few of your own instances of partnership, in all its forms, come to mind. And I hope your “aha” moments keep happening.

Maybe you’ve experienced or will know partnership when encouragement comes your way, just when you need it.

Maybe you have or will find partnership with people coming together to get something done.

Maybe you’ll feel a partnership with God in the small “aha” moments.

I think today is a good day to adopt the title of Ted Loder’s blog: “Stay Watchful, God Is Sneaky”

—Marcia Broucek, graphic designer for Narrative Alive

I welcome your comments about my reflections. If you have anything you want to share about your journey, I invite you to share your experience in the Comments field below.

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Click here to read more of Marcia’s blog posts.

Click here to see the Narrative Alive graphics and sermon themes for the Narrative Lectionary reading “Partnership in the Gospel.”